It's currently 5:33am, and I can't sleep. Not that I've really been able to sleep lately anyway. I'm plagued with the feelings of impending doom and that I don't have much time left. Thank you bpd & mdd. Ah fuck it, i'm tired, mentally. I've done my best to be friendly to even the worst of friends, to the best of enemies yet somehow I expected the same back. yeah i know you, and you, and possibly even you are reading this, gawkingly. Oh well, mock me like you usually do, I don't care. I'm sorta stuck in limbo, in a state of non-coherence.. It is hard to formulate or rather, articulate thoughts or even speak. I wonder if this is a effect of depression at the level I'm at. Or maybe its the effect of long lasting rage against those few people whom still plague my mind. I must admit that that rage has fueled me to some extent, be it with my projects, or finding a job, or whatever I needed to do, but now it's not working anymore. Back to the limbo, how does one even overcome this? It's like a thick brain fog, mixed with entropy.. I often worry if this is the start of dementia, or even schizophrenia, but I must remind myself that this is apart of what I have (BPD & MDD). Maybe writing a letter to each of those on my mind would help, I know they view my profiles from time to time so maybe they will view this. Eva: I'm sorry, really. I don't like getting close to people at all and you got too close and I started to genuinely feel something for the first time for someone despite my walls. And I can push people away quite strongly in that regard... Amare: Ehhhh. I dont know what to even say. But anyways I'm sorry too, though you should've been nicer to me. You said and did some fucked up things to me. Wendig: Stay off my mind, thanks. While I may miss the friendship, I certainly do not miss how you treated me. "Color": I was aware of it all. I'm just genuinely nice, often too nice for my own good. To the others: I'm doing okay. This is just my baseline, I'm used to it /shrug. Some don't deserve the mention. Anyways, hello reader. I've recently learned MongoDB and I am gonna switch all my projects to it. Though I do need to learn how to cache it, my disk speeds are quite slow! I am DREADING the migration for https://achan.moe.............
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