it has been a while since i posted. tbh its just been a blur, anything is a blur anymore. i cant think, i can barely eat, i cant remember anything, i cant focus for shit.. what is wrong with me? i used to be able to remember, almost photographically details 5-15+ years ago and now its just blurry to non-existent. its a shame if i lost my near-perfect memory. oh well.. perks of coming off of strong anti-psychotics! at least my bipolar is also non-existent now... haha virtualized perfectionism is that really a flaw of mine? everything online has to be perfect.. everything online has to be a mirror to my mind. if there ever was a reason to this i have forgotten why if thats even a feature of me race conditions && resource caps idk if i had to put my current state of mind into computer terms, its that. its like im running 32 threads @ 1024mb below 1.8ghz. its supposed to be 32t 512gb and 6ghz, a stark difference. i dont know, pretty edgy right? fuck off to be fair im finally out of situations that started in early 2023 that held me in ptsd loops. maybe that has something to do with it, am i healing? bad news: family member diagnosed with stage 4 cancer still not hired anywhere still no friends nvme failure (nvme's dont like luks, who wouldve thought??? stupid mistake) good news: my tech interests have turned into obsession (in 2023), and i believe that kept me going llc 1 formed - atlas project llc 2 inc - agorae project llc 3 inc - vesper project llc 4-9 tba s!cp and works by (cant remember their name, hang on), john hennessy, andrew tanenbaum and some cyber culture books are being read.. if i can remember and focus enough to read them! compartmentalizing identities/personalities... its about time i went full opsec airgapped networks, i stg theres someone in my mainnet! full reset in 6 weeks though with brand new equipment... to eliminate possible firmware/bios/cpu rootkits amp/pterodactyl alternative incoming (big ideas for a simple docker orchestration project) achan reface, whenever i finish it, its mostly done besides 2 quirks mainweb reface (requiem.moe), whenever i can finish it low level wizard by Q3 2026-Q1 2027. itd be nice to be able to do anything i want without relying on google/stackoverflow/ai. and about 5months left of this anti-psych's half life in my system... dopamine suppressant, im thinking thats the reason why i cant focus, reason, think, remember anything or feel pleasure/nice emotions oh about ai why the hell has gpt been downgraded since it signed contracts with the us gov, 4.1 used to be very smart then it went downhill fast, 5 is GARBAGE, what? "reasoning" wow what a nice marketing ploy xd give me the real models thanks
Comments
Please log in to comment.