I've only ever had my mind operate like this during fight or flight situations where my life was actually in danger. It is so weird, my mind is searching through my psyche, through all the fragments, masks, and "mimics" all to find my Core. Sure I may know the roots of my music taste, but what about everything else? Where is the pre-hospital (pre nov 2015) me? Why can I not remember except for a few fragments. Oh, prosecutor, whom I met there in that place. You surely stole my personality at the time and made me feel like it wasn't my own... It's actually hurting my head to try and focus/think of pre-2015. What started that was me finding an old playlist of mine online with some very niche jrock gems. I forgot I was obsessed with that in 2015, for the longest time A, and IE made me think I was just mimicking them. 「Hybrid-Zombiez」.. THAT IS SO ME, I was obsessed with gothic-lolita & visual kei back then... My old handles before 2013 had "zombiez" in it, I was obsessed with Resident Evil both the games and Movies, and had the hugest crush on Milla Jovovich. How could I forget such, core memories? Oh, Trauma... You are a cruel mistress. Day by day I am getting the true, old me back. Before the death years, before the BPD chameleon masks, before the serious mind-bending trauma. Sure I may not be 100% like I was, I have matured and grown from everything. Maybe I will be a combination of my old self, my healed self, and hints of my Father. Who knows... The future is so unclear at this point. Everything used to be so predictable to me, even my own mind... Now? Yeah right.
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