Thoughts about some grand post, grand musings, about familial pain come to mind, but it's not enough. Not for the pain sake, but I've started to feed/transform pain into creativity. In these moments (like now), I feel warm and euphoric from my pain because I'm channeling it to be more hyperphantasia. Probably not the healthiest aspect, but it is comfortable.
On things not said about my family; I never really had one. Not for the lack of wanting one or lack of trying, it's just no one's been there for me. It's always just been how I'm a burden, inconvenience, or mentally ill (showing signs of ptsd) on both sides of my family ever since I was 6! Twenty years of ostrasization without an exit... I like to think that helped form my spirituality and the "lighter" side of my world view over the years which is still growing. Maybe it's just a lust for life disguised as light. Haha!
I don't blame anyone or anything anymore unless it's from my childhood. I've become too understanding of humans. Yea, I like to put myself outside of being human because I act differently & have always been treated as if I wasn't one!