i've noticed the other day i'm still trapped by my issues, ive just learned to cope well in my "system irl". my music serves its purpose, my sporadic research / adhd adjacent behavior serves its purpose, my blog posting serves its purpose, even my excessive use of caffeine serves its purpose. its a good thing im not working, even part time in an ordinary setting as the other day i had actual pressure/a deadline to fix my website or rather, debug an issue it had. user "israel" thought my chat was broke, so i investigated. turns out rate-limiting was working but they thought they couldnt send msgs for some other reason, so i had to build a status toast bar post-almost breakdown lol
no wonder i started hallucinating the last time i had an actual job (part time). also, for my hallucinations, i dont think i actually fully mentioned that they are purely non-interactive & will fade/disappear completely if i focus on them hard enough. ALSO they are 100% caused by stress (external factors), my internal factors like spiraling / threat modeling only ever got me to see centipedes crawling on me.
so for those who always generalize/label me as a schizophrenic, you're doing nothing but labeling yourself as a posing/posturing retard who knows nothing about the intricacies of the human psyche.
"omg he's into the occult" -> schizophrenia label? no i just genuinely reject christianity/abrahamic faiths & i'm actually curious into the nature of the universe / life / the whole meaning apart from base materialism or ape-meandering. christians are funny. i could bring up the romans & their sun god, or even the mithras cult(s), but you don't even want to have that conversation.
"omg he's a satanist" why? bc im not christian? man, the "satanists" i've met are actually better mannered and kind than 99% of christians. the satanic bibles "laws" are literally just: dont hurt children, animals, nature & be respectful. ( yeah there are differences of LaVeYan & crowley "satanism" but w/e ). what about lucifer and how he is literally PROMETHEUS.
what about my ability to view the viewpoints of every single side? fascism, to communism, to liberalism, to capitalism, to anarchy, to libertarianism. christianity, to buddhism, to animism, to norse paganism. i've explored alot, you should too honestly :p