upon review & correlation of data i have on my health/mental health, i think I may have a catecholamine deficiency.
i've realized that SSRI's & antipsychotics have either null or negative effects on me, Prozac/Zoloft/SSRI's in general had 0 effect or change on anything. some parts of antipsychotics helped me but mostly degraded me, for example, depakote's impulsivity control & latuda's focus.
while those don't work, i have noticed during self medication or past medical events that are unrelated, that I responded very well to stimulants themselves. Nicotine was a big one and helped me stay focused and on task. now that i'm sick, or recovering from sickness, one med I'm on being a stimulant, i've noticed time collapse & me being very focused on tasks and completing tasks in a short amount of time, and getting lost in music moreso.
low stimulants return me to a healthy baseline without executive dysfunction robbing me of life. to think that that state i get in on stimulants could actually be my healthy baseline and what im used to is actually so far below it... thats fucking insane. that means i have so much fucking potential that was robbed from me by a simple chemical imbalance !?
anyways, i hope to verify this soon! but i doubt it will cure my other issues that are from bpd/mdd/ptsd that have been lifelong especially the trauma-based things. however its a step in the right direction!
honestly i dont care if i still have to suffer the shadow figures/spiders/centipedes when stressed, or other things i spoke about here, i just want 2 things, my executive function returning in full & my amygdala to calm down and relax for once!
i wonder if i could get to a healthy baseline and then improve my overall cognition even further?? i mean at a healthy baseline, it has been proven in the past that i am at least in the top 12%, but if i can increase that?? oooh... that would be so cool. i do crave/lust for knowledge still, i just havent had the executive function to act or grow it in over a decade....