The emotion tonight is melancholic solace! I honestly miss this feeling, I don't get to experience it much anymore. I wonder if that what a dysregulated nervous system means! I do remember nights in 2018, laying in the grass at 3am listening to some Melancholic music, probably Deathconsciousness, just staring at my eldest friend Luna and watching her in her Violet dance. Back when my vision was better I could sometimes see faint violet hues come of the outer edges of our celestial friend. It was a beautiful site, and it often baked the ground in a nice faint glow.
I've always had a close relationship with the moon. Being a cancer was just the start. Years after my father died when I was 4, I would find myself reaching out to Luna with my hand, as if my father was on the other side. As years went by I'd always look up to my friend for comfort, even in adult hood looking at her makes me smile.
I don't think I've really been able to enjoy that experience since I had my NDE in a wreck in 2018. That wreck made me really scared of the dark for whatever reason, and that is a pain. I used to enjoy the dark, the smell of it, the feel of it, the magic of it. It made me feel alive, even more so when I would have my celestial friend consul me. Not in a weird way, idk how to put it, if I just look at the moon now and speak internally, ill feel a coolness wash over me. Very therapeutic! Maybe I'll try again after I heal more.
I've never shared that with anyone, not that it's embarassing or anything, which it isn't, it's just something I never really thought to share. I suppose, dear reader, you now know something most people I've ever met IRL will probably never know. I doubt my family checks my blog, even after asking them to.
Death Consciousness for those who don't know the album: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLaVHibd49QFKxvoBVXiySuBLmchLY7cq5
Post mood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXeFuLwKqp0